YET another new start

My Masters programme is beginning to draw to a close. In less than 3 months, after the imminent resits and handing in of my dissertation, I'll begin my move down south to London where I shall call home for at least the next 3 years.

All in all, this has been a rather tumultous year - same as always then! However, I think this is the year that I grew a lot more compared to the ones prior.

Switching career paths is as exciting as I thought it would be. Daunting as it was, and as much as I floundered, I did find the course immensely interesting. Refreshing might be a better word to use, as it is a huge departure from what I'm used to.

On the persoanl side of things, I got to know a lot more people and from more diverse backgrounds. Plenty of the usual ups and downs, of heartache and elation. Would I have wanted it all to work out another way? Maybe, but then, most likely not. Thinking this will be to live in the past and I'm done doing that. There's only now and the future. The past is only there to look back at once in a while to remind us of where we've been.

I've struggled hard against the prospect of growing up, of responsibility and of my own happiness. But I'm slowly begin to see that its all in my head. Sounds crazy, but I guess the majority of our so-called problems aren't really problems. They are to us because it seems so real, but if we stop over-analyzing and just start living...what I'm trying to say is, I'm beginning to gain perspective. The past few weeks of intense panicking and stress...in retrospect, I should have realized that everyone else faces the same as well, and just because I'm new doesn't necessarily translate to me being bad at it. So tired of feeling inferior to everyone else, of missing out on opportunities...but most of all, I'm so tired for feeling all these. The scientist in me says that there's no evidence to support that its true, and the outgoing, stronger side of me says that its just cowardice and that I've put on an outlook of modesty and humility for so long, that I've begun to start taking my own medicine as true.

Enough with being me, finding out about myself. That's a journey everyone takes and only stops when they've exhaled their last breath. Its time to live. As Sandy sang "Goodbye Sandra Dee", its time to bid farewell to Dennis. The old must go so that the new can come, as the Chinese saying goes. So now I bid you farewell, Dennis, and I don't pity you. You were what you were so I can become who I am now and who I will be in the future.